BABY

BABY MY BELOVED COMPANION

My little girl came to me 14 years ago, she loved me straight away she came to me and claimed me as hers the moment we saw each other. She has taught me the true meaning of the words unconditional love. No matter what she did I never stopped loving her I always some how understood. The Joy and connection between us will never be broken as the connection is in our souls its part of us both. The first time she saw snow she loved it and wanted to rub her face in it. The cold would make her jump like a bunny. Every where I went she came with us, and everyone would stop to touch her and love her no one could resist her. She gave love to so many people. Then I watched as she got old and her teeth dropped out, her legs were hurting her, her ears were driving her mad with itching, then she lost her eye site, and was afraid to go up and down stairs, then she couldn't hear her me talk to her anymore, so I learned sign language so we still had our connect. I carried her and took more care of her as she was getting more frail, I watched as she cuddled me more and fussed her more and give her more treats as she enjoyed the time together.

Then the fear came though her little body as she was afraid to move around her home. Going to the bathroom was getting very hard. I remember when she was full of joy and energy I want her to have it all back to be able to enjoy being who she is, I wanted to give her, her eyes back, to hear again to be able to play the way she would with no pain in her little legs. I know a place my little girl can go and be right as rain and full of spring. I treated her to the poodle parlor and she had her pedicure, haircut, and a good bath. Today I bought her a great dinner for her treat a good piece of chicken.

Today I sent my little girl to heaven so she could live again, she was 99 years old I will miss my little shih Tzu doggy very much  I feel her joy as she knows we did it out of love for her. I feel her love as she is alive again. I know my baby is fine, I miss her. I will be fine I know she will come for me when it’s my turn I know she will visit us I know she is around her.  I miss touch so much. I miss my little girl.

WED, JAN 19, 2005

Its now been two months since my baby went to heaven, I have felt her on my bed as she always slept with me, I still cant talk about her as its still hurts and I start crying. I have been informed that the plaque of her little feet is ready for pick up, "I cant get that yet" I just cant face looking at it, I know I have to go and get over this hurdle but its going to be hard. Im amazed at how much I have to use the cleaner now as she would pick up the crumbs that I would drop. I missed seeing her on the floor looking to see where she was. She's just not there anymore. I dont want to replace her she was my special baby. I know Mark will be taking care of her that I know for sure. She loved him so much and wanted to cuddle him all the time. I want to hold her in my arms I want her to sit with me at night next to my legs on the sofa. There is so much you can miss about your little pets you have no idea just how much they become part of your life. Then there gone and everything seems so empty. Two month she has been gone and it still hurts. I loved that little pooch so much. Her love for me is not on this level anymore. I will see her again when I join her, I want to touch her and cuddle her. She is not there for me to do that.

MORE ON BABY

Its now the middle of April three months since baby went to heaven

I still cant talk about her without tears, I know she visits me I have heard her scratching the door to let us know she is with us. The other day while I was working on my computer it felt she was at my feet again, I know its her way of letting me know she is with me. I did go and get "babys" paw print from the vet, that was really hard I coulnt get out of there fast enough. I couldnt look at it for a couple of hours but when I did it didnt look like her little foot the inprint was painted in such a way it made it look big. It doesnt make me feel any better having it. Its just a thing, baby is with me in my memories and my heart. Even now sharing this with you makes me cry. A client brought her dog with her in the car it was the same breed as baby. What a cute black and white dog it was a really nice doggy but when I looked into his face it just was not a cute as baby's. She was my baby I miss her so much. She still comes to bed with me now and again. She isnt with me every day, just enough to let me know she still loves me. I cant write anymore I cant see what Im typing Im crying too much

MAY

It's now May 30th and now four months since Baby went to heaven, today something really hit me about baby. When I go away on the road working, baby does not come with me. When I came home today as I opened my front door my eyes were pulled down looking for baby, this is the second time this has happened so now I have come to realize baby is watching over my home while Im away. She is not around me much now and as long as I dont think about her or talk about her Im ok. But then she visits me at the front door or under my feet at my computer or she is on my bed when I go to bed. I still cuddle her if she is with me in bed I still talk to her just like I did when she had a body. My baby is still connected to me and watching over me. She will be the first to greet me when I go to heaven that I know without a doubt.

JUNE 17th

Many of my clients have read this, Im wanting you to know that even though Im connected it still hurts. Baby comes to me when I have been on a road trip she is here waiting for me. I know she is there this time she was on the bed so as normal I acted no different to when she was in her warm body. I still cant talk about her and as Im writing this the tear's start again I cant talk about her to my clients I still cry. If I allow myself to think about her my tears stream down my face, will I ever stop missing her? will the tears ever stop? I dont know this is a first for me to feel the pain of loosing a pet so all I can do is share it with you in the hope that anyone out there who has or is going through the same thing. I want to look into that face that looked like it was hit with a skillet, I want me little ewok back, she loved it when she had been clipped she know we could really both feel each other, I could feel her and not her hair, and she could feel my hands on her. The funny thing was in the winter she would climb under the covers with me to keep warm, this little warm body laying close this little baby keeping warm next to her mam. I miss my little girl so bad.

JULY 11TH

My baby came to visit me yesturday, I was sat on the sofa and I knew she was there wanting to jump up she would jump up to me and then be right in my face sitting on her bum reaching up to my face and plonk her face on my body "you will cuddle me" attitude. She did this to me and I was sat there stroking her and loving her just the same as if she was in her body. The tie between us was speacial and no one and nothing can ever break that and I know that my little girl knows that, as she is the one who lets me know. I wish I could hold her again and feel her little body but the trade of is "she can see now - she can hear now - and she can get upstair now - and she can jump on the bed now - and she wont fall over when she shakes herself. I miss her still, as I share this all with you Im typing though my tears I still cant talk about her without crying as some of my clients have found out. NOBODY knows what unconditional love is untill they have the love of a dog. My tears are falling to hard to go on.

SEPTEMBER

Its the 12th today and I have not cried for ages, I had a client with me today called Christine "she knows who she is" while i was connecting to loved one's who have passed over I saw three dogs with her while I was telling her I could see them all playing all about two years old it brought tears to me eyes reminding me of baby. It was a joy to see Christine's dogs playing full of joy and fun. I know baby is just the same it was just so nice to see them in heaven being like that. I do try not to cry when I see these dogs when Im connecting but today was different as I saw them so clear playing. Lucky for me Christine is a dog lover and know's what its like to loose your babies. Thank you Christine.

UPDATE ON BABY

AUG 16th

I lost it again and cried my eyes out, I have been so good maybe being on the road helps me by being busy. I went to do my laundry and I thought I could see baby on the sofa just like she used to and I said hi to her as she was visiting me I knew in my heart she ran over to me and reached up like she would up my leg. I touched her "fresh air" like I used to. It was just then I lost it, I miss touching her I miss her wanting a hug she was not a kissy dog she was a huggy one. I really hope that my writting this is helping others who are in the same position. Please do go to my contact page and say hi to me in my guest book, you dont have to leave your full name if you dont want to, but let me know my sharing this with you is helping.

Im starting to want another dog now and its been over two years I know I know I will get another one but it would have to be a different color. Being on the road is not fair so Im going to wait till Im home and to be able to spend time training my new friend.